Recovery is a funny term. When I first had my heart attack, they are literally running with me down the hall to the cath lab (I suppose that should have been an indication of the seriousness of my situation but it was not), and I ask them, "How long will it take to recover from this?" They told me right then usually about two weeks. So, my initial thought was it would be two weeks and I would be recovered. It turns out, the actual physical recovery from the stent placement was about two weeks. At that point, I could have never understood what recovery actually meant.
Eighteen months later, I understand just how funny the term recovery is. There are so many definitions of recovery. The initial recovery from the heart attack in ICU, the continuing initial recovery from the actual cath procedure and continued physical recovery with cardiac rehab.
The biggest struggle for me in recovery has been the literal recovery from my old life, after all, my old life is likely what caused my heart attack. I have had to change all of the habits that are the least bit unhealthy.
There is recovery from the intense fear that has engulfed me. The fear that I would die from the side effects of the first heart attack or that I will have a second massive heart attack and not recognize the signs because they can be so different. The recovery from the emotional impact is far harder than the recovery from the physical impact. The emotional impact is ongoing and far reaching.
I have come to understand that with heart disease that there is no end to the recovery. There is only a new phase of the recovery and with each new phase I have a new respect for heart disease.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Anger
I volunteered at a Go Red event last Tuesday night. It was there that I met Christi, a fellow Go Red Ambassador. We talked and I told her I was new to volunteering and the Go Red Ambassadors. I explained that it was all too new last year for me to really feel like I wanted to shout my story to anyone that would listen.
What she said to me surprised me. She so freely said that the reason I didn't want to take part in any of sharing my story on this level was due to the anger stage. I have always felt the grief of losing what my life was like before my heart attack but I have never really thought of it as being angry.
I came home and pondered the anger angle. I realized it really was a combination of anger and grief. I was really angry. I didn't even wear red on Go Red day in 2012. The anger has faded and the grief is gone. It is replaced by a sense of purpose. The purpose of sharing my story so that others will take their health more seriously. The purpose of sharing my journey so that others can survive like I did. There is still a lot of searching the reasons but these two seem like a pretty good starting point.
In the spirit of sharing my story I also volunteered at Kansas City's Half Day for Your Heart Luncheon last Friday. It was a great time and I met some more amazing ladies. Being a Go Red Ambassador is just what I needed. I am with women who understand what I've experienced. It is very refreshing!
My great friend Brian was at the lunch and it was fun to have a good friend of mine there:
Next up, Greater Kansas City Heart Walk!
What she said to me surprised me. She so freely said that the reason I didn't want to take part in any of sharing my story on this level was due to the anger stage. I have always felt the grief of losing what my life was like before my heart attack but I have never really thought of it as being angry.
I came home and pondered the anger angle. I realized it really was a combination of anger and grief. I was really angry. I didn't even wear red on Go Red day in 2012. The anger has faded and the grief is gone. It is replaced by a sense of purpose. The purpose of sharing my story so that others will take their health more seriously. The purpose of sharing my journey so that others can survive like I did. There is still a lot of searching the reasons but these two seem like a pretty good starting point.
In the spirit of sharing my story I also volunteered at Kansas City's Half Day for Your Heart Luncheon last Friday. It was a great time and I met some more amazing ladies. Being a Go Red Ambassador is just what I needed. I am with women who understand what I've experienced. It is very refreshing!
My great friend Brian was at the lunch and it was fun to have a good friend of mine there:
Next up, Greater Kansas City Heart Walk!
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Love My New Doc!
I love my new cardiologist, Dr. Yang! She is awesome! I went to my first appointment with her with very little hope of being impressed. I am the first to admit when I am wrong and boy was I wrong.
She had all of my records and had reviewed them. She spent an hour or better with me. We went over every detail of my history prior to and since my heart attack. She concentrated only on me and together we devised a treatment plan. They ran an EKG in the office and she said by the looks of that, if she hadn't already known I had a heart attack, she would not have guessed I had any cardiac history. She was also open to the nutrition aspect that I place a lot of importance in. She made me feel very comfortable about choosing plant based nutrition. That is tops in my book!
My blood pressure is under control which is good news. I left with orders for lab work and an echo cardiogram. The results of the echo came back and I got all good results back on Friday. My heart is functioning with no permanent heart damage from my heart attack. Time is key and I was quick to get to the hospital! I have disease in my arteries, but luckily not the actual heart muscle! It is the best news available and I feel very lucky to get it!:) I was glad not to have to go over the weekend waiting on test results
This week brings three Go Red Ambassador events culminating in Friday's Half Day for Your Heart luncheon. I am looking forward to it!
My company has jumped on board in supporting the American Heart Association and we are walking the Kansas City Heart Walk in 4 weeks. We have about 30 people walking. You know it warms my heart and makes me teary eyed to see the support! Pics to come. On another note, I downloaded the couch to 5K app on my phone. It is couch to 5K in eight weeks. We will see! One of my staff members has breast cancer and some of us at work have decided a breast cancer 5K in October is our goal. We can get healthy and support causes that are near and dear!
She had all of my records and had reviewed them. She spent an hour or better with me. We went over every detail of my history prior to and since my heart attack. She concentrated only on me and together we devised a treatment plan. They ran an EKG in the office and she said by the looks of that, if she hadn't already known I had a heart attack, she would not have guessed I had any cardiac history. She was also open to the nutrition aspect that I place a lot of importance in. She made me feel very comfortable about choosing plant based nutrition. That is tops in my book!
My blood pressure is under control which is good news. I left with orders for lab work and an echo cardiogram. The results of the echo came back and I got all good results back on Friday. My heart is functioning with no permanent heart damage from my heart attack. Time is key and I was quick to get to the hospital! I have disease in my arteries, but luckily not the actual heart muscle! It is the best news available and I feel very lucky to get it!:) I was glad not to have to go over the weekend waiting on test results
This week brings three Go Red Ambassador events culminating in Friday's Half Day for Your Heart luncheon. I am looking forward to it!
My company has jumped on board in supporting the American Heart Association and we are walking the Kansas City Heart Walk in 4 weeks. We have about 30 people walking. You know it warms my heart and makes me teary eyed to see the support! Pics to come. On another note, I downloaded the couch to 5K app on my phone. It is couch to 5K in eight weeks. We will see! One of my staff members has breast cancer and some of us at work have decided a breast cancer 5K in October is our goal. We can get healthy and support causes that are near and dear!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Making Peace with Medicine
When I first suffered such a massive heart attack and survived, I was just glad I survived. They pumped me full of all kinds of drugs in the ICU. I didn't realize the number of drugs I would ultimately be taking when I went home.
When it became clear that I would go home taking all the drugs that they were pumping through me via IV in pill form, I was pissed to say the least. Me? Take all these pills? Really? I rarely took ibuprofen. Here I am with two blood pressure pills, a cholesterol pill, blood thinner and aspirin. That is six pills a day that I have been cautioned against missing. Really, it was stronger than that---take all these pills and don't miss them or you could die.
Here is the thing, I don't take meds. I have a hard time finishing a course of antibiotics. Before you ask, yes I know that is a terrible thing. I am just not a planner. I fly through life mostly by the seat of my pants. Living life like that makes for a fabulous time! The problem is that you have to be a planner to take meds regularly. Plus, I was someone that the day before my heart attack had a total cholesterol of 134 and a blood pressure of 110/70. It was inconceivable that now, three days later I was on a lifetime of six cardiac pills a day.
When I went to the second cardiologist I wanted him to prove to me that I needed to take all these meds. I had a hard time because I had changed my entire life style and you want me to still take the same drugs that some one who drinks, smokes and eats chicken fried steak and gravy for every meal after a heart attack takes? How does that make any good sense? How is it that there is a standard of cardiac meds that I have to take when each patient is not the same?
He and I discussed it for a long time and reluctantly I agreed to continue them. He made some very good points. He could tell that I was a medical googler and promptly gave me the links to the studies we discussed so I could read it myself. I am a firm believer in questioning your doctor and I do.
As I get farther from my heart attack, I have become accustomed to taking the medicine. I also have warmed to the idea that if I want help staying alive, I probably will always take them. It has become increasingly more important to me to stay alive than to be pill free. Besides, perhaps I have always needed a little guidance in the planning department. It forces me to plan a little!
I saw a new cardiologist yesterday and she busted my bubble about being able to quit the Plavix once I hit the year after the last placement of drug eluding stents in my LAD. (The new cardiologist is another post all in itself.) Yes, I have had stents placed in the same artery twice. June 11 would have been a year and I was told that I could stop taking the Plavix after a year. As much as I have been looking forward to stopping that pill, I listened to her reason and actually felt relief that she wants me to continue taking it. I have come to realize that even if I don't consider it good medicine to treat all cardiac patients the same, I have grown used to the peace the pills provide me.
When it became clear that I would go home taking all the drugs that they were pumping through me via IV in pill form, I was pissed to say the least. Me? Take all these pills? Really? I rarely took ibuprofen. Here I am with two blood pressure pills, a cholesterol pill, blood thinner and aspirin. That is six pills a day that I have been cautioned against missing. Really, it was stronger than that---take all these pills and don't miss them or you could die.
Here is the thing, I don't take meds. I have a hard time finishing a course of antibiotics. Before you ask, yes I know that is a terrible thing. I am just not a planner. I fly through life mostly by the seat of my pants. Living life like that makes for a fabulous time! The problem is that you have to be a planner to take meds regularly. Plus, I was someone that the day before my heart attack had a total cholesterol of 134 and a blood pressure of 110/70. It was inconceivable that now, three days later I was on a lifetime of six cardiac pills a day.
When I went to the second cardiologist I wanted him to prove to me that I needed to take all these meds. I had a hard time because I had changed my entire life style and you want me to still take the same drugs that some one who drinks, smokes and eats chicken fried steak and gravy for every meal after a heart attack takes? How does that make any good sense? How is it that there is a standard of cardiac meds that I have to take when each patient is not the same?
He and I discussed it for a long time and reluctantly I agreed to continue them. He made some very good points. He could tell that I was a medical googler and promptly gave me the links to the studies we discussed so I could read it myself. I am a firm believer in questioning your doctor and I do.
As I get farther from my heart attack, I have become accustomed to taking the medicine. I also have warmed to the idea that if I want help staying alive, I probably will always take them. It has become increasingly more important to me to stay alive than to be pill free. Besides, perhaps I have always needed a little guidance in the planning department. It forces me to plan a little!
I saw a new cardiologist yesterday and she busted my bubble about being able to quit the Plavix once I hit the year after the last placement of drug eluding stents in my LAD. (The new cardiologist is another post all in itself.) Yes, I have had stents placed in the same artery twice. June 11 would have been a year and I was told that I could stop taking the Plavix after a year. As much as I have been looking forward to stopping that pill, I listened to her reason and actually felt relief that she wants me to continue taking it. I have come to realize that even if I don't consider it good medicine to treat all cardiac patients the same, I have grown used to the peace the pills provide me.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Go Red Ambassador
At the beginning of February, I attended a casting call in downtown Kansas City to be a Go Red Ambassador. It was a lot of fun. My Vegas friend as I call her if you have followed my blog, Deb, went with me. So did my friends Diane and Tracy as well as my two daughters. You had to audition by giving an interview and telling your story. How hard is that--it's not like I am a stranger to telling my story. I will shout it to any one that will listen and then tell you even if you don't want to hear.
I was feeling pretty good about telling my story. I sat down across from one of the local news anchors and we got started. I did really good until she asked me about the emotional toll. I started in about the emotional toll only to look up and see the tears streaming down the face of my 14 year old daughter. I was a mess of tears after that. To be a year and a half out and still see your daughters cry over this really does make the emotional toll on them hit home. It is so easy to get wrapped up in this all being about me, but there is a whole other side to this. I try to include them in the process of everything I do. Even though I do that, I can see that I will never quite realize the emotional toll my story takes on them.
I had almost forgotten that I went down and auditioned when on the last day of February, I received an email from the American Heart Association Kansas City inviting me to join the Go Red Ambassadors. It was so exciting! I have been looking for a way to help spread the message of heart attack risk and this is the perfect venue. I went to my first meeting a couple of weeks ago and I had the honor of meeting some incredible women. I got to hear their stories and each was as moving as the next. I think I will feel right at home with this group! I look so forward to being able to do this.
On another note, my beloved Jayhawks are the number one seed in the South region of the NCAA Men's Division I Basketball Tournament. Bring on the March Madness and Rock Chalk Jayhawk!
It is 61 days until the Greater Kansas City Heart Walk! Go Team PPMIS!!
I was feeling pretty good about telling my story. I sat down across from one of the local news anchors and we got started. I did really good until she asked me about the emotional toll. I started in about the emotional toll only to look up and see the tears streaming down the face of my 14 year old daughter. I was a mess of tears after that. To be a year and a half out and still see your daughters cry over this really does make the emotional toll on them hit home. It is so easy to get wrapped up in this all being about me, but there is a whole other side to this. I try to include them in the process of everything I do. Even though I do that, I can see that I will never quite realize the emotional toll my story takes on them.
I had almost forgotten that I went down and auditioned when on the last day of February, I received an email from the American Heart Association Kansas City inviting me to join the Go Red Ambassadors. It was so exciting! I have been looking for a way to help spread the message of heart attack risk and this is the perfect venue. I went to my first meeting a couple of weeks ago and I had the honor of meeting some incredible women. I got to hear their stories and each was as moving as the next. I think I will feel right at home with this group! I look so forward to being able to do this.
On another note, my beloved Jayhawks are the number one seed in the South region of the NCAA Men's Division I Basketball Tournament. Bring on the March Madness and Rock Chalk Jayhawk!
It is 61 days until the Greater Kansas City Heart Walk! Go Team PPMIS!!
Friday, February 22, 2013
New Cardiologist
I have been looking for a new cardiologist. I had an appointment with a new doc yesterday but had to cancel due to snowmageddon here in the Kansas City area.
How do you go about finding a cardiologist when you are 44? It is not like I can ask my friends who they see. When I ask my friends, I am saying "Hey, what cardiologist does your mom or dad see?" When I go to the cardiologist, there are several people my age there but they are all bringing their parents to the doctor.
My first cardiologist that I met in the ER in the midst of a heart attack was a very gifted surgeon and he saved my life. I didn't care much for his follow up care. I chose a new doc because he was less than five minutes from my office. I really liked him and he did a fabulous job when I had to go back to the cath lab. I would have kept him as my doc because he was at least halfway open to the diet I have chosen and he was funny. I like funny docs. He chose to change his hospital affiliation and now he practices in Topeka. That is just too far for me to go.
So, I got on Cigna's website and pulled up cardiologists in the Kansas City area. This is a fairly good sized city and there I sat looking at a long list of cardiologists and not one inkling of who to choose. I have heard good things about the cardiology group at Olathe Medical Center. I have had a couple docs from there recommended to me. Turns out, neither one of them will take 44 year old women that are 16 months post MI as new patients--go figure. Of all things, my heart problems are not bad enough to see them. So, I chose a woman doc. She is 41 by her bio. I hope I like her.
The biggest thing I want out of a doc? I want a doc to acknowledge the link between nutrition, inflammation and heart disease. I am not talking about just the watch your salt kind of nutrition. I am talking about the link to nutrition and all kinds of diseases. I have an auto immune disease (psoriasis). Auto immune diseases cause inflammation and that contributes a lot to heart disease. When I went vegan, my psoriasis went away. When I slipped cheese and a little other dairy back in over the late summer and early fall my psoriasis came back. As I have taken it back out and gone totally vegan again, the psoriasis has gone away. If I can control that, I can control a lot of the inflammation in my body. I want a doc that does not dismiss all of this.
So many docs just want to treat with medicine. I have been told by two docs that the medicines I take are standard treatment for heart attack patients. I am not really sure I like that no matter what changes you make in your life that it is just the same standard meds. Should I have to take the same standard meds as a heart attack patient that smokes and eats chicken fried steak and gravy? I am not so sure about this and I have yet to meet a doctor that has been 100% convincing. My appointment with my new cardiologist is now moved to April 1. We will see how she does. My greatest hope is that she is more open to treating with nutrition than my other docs have been.
How do you go about finding a cardiologist when you are 44? It is not like I can ask my friends who they see. When I ask my friends, I am saying "Hey, what cardiologist does your mom or dad see?" When I go to the cardiologist, there are several people my age there but they are all bringing their parents to the doctor.
My first cardiologist that I met in the ER in the midst of a heart attack was a very gifted surgeon and he saved my life. I didn't care much for his follow up care. I chose a new doc because he was less than five minutes from my office. I really liked him and he did a fabulous job when I had to go back to the cath lab. I would have kept him as my doc because he was at least halfway open to the diet I have chosen and he was funny. I like funny docs. He chose to change his hospital affiliation and now he practices in Topeka. That is just too far for me to go.
So, I got on Cigna's website and pulled up cardiologists in the Kansas City area. This is a fairly good sized city and there I sat looking at a long list of cardiologists and not one inkling of who to choose. I have heard good things about the cardiology group at Olathe Medical Center. I have had a couple docs from there recommended to me. Turns out, neither one of them will take 44 year old women that are 16 months post MI as new patients--go figure. Of all things, my heart problems are not bad enough to see them. So, I chose a woman doc. She is 41 by her bio. I hope I like her.
The biggest thing I want out of a doc? I want a doc to acknowledge the link between nutrition, inflammation and heart disease. I am not talking about just the watch your salt kind of nutrition. I am talking about the link to nutrition and all kinds of diseases. I have an auto immune disease (psoriasis). Auto immune diseases cause inflammation and that contributes a lot to heart disease. When I went vegan, my psoriasis went away. When I slipped cheese and a little other dairy back in over the late summer and early fall my psoriasis came back. As I have taken it back out and gone totally vegan again, the psoriasis has gone away. If I can control that, I can control a lot of the inflammation in my body. I want a doc that does not dismiss all of this.
So many docs just want to treat with medicine. I have been told by two docs that the medicines I take are standard treatment for heart attack patients. I am not really sure I like that no matter what changes you make in your life that it is just the same standard meds. Should I have to take the same standard meds as a heart attack patient that smokes and eats chicken fried steak and gravy? I am not so sure about this and I have yet to meet a doctor that has been 100% convincing. My appointment with my new cardiologist is now moved to April 1. We will see how she does. My greatest hope is that she is more open to treating with nutrition than my other docs have been.
Monday, February 11, 2013
The Last Heart Attack
I was at lunch with a friend I had not seen in many years today. We had a great time and before we knew it, two hours had flown by. She told me that she had started to watch "Forks Over Knives." She stopped it half way through so she could restart it and watch it with her husband. She told him she thought they might need to go vegan. (To find "Forks Over Knives", click here.)
I have mentioned here before and told her today that the very first hint I had that I needed to go plant based was about four weeks after my heart attack when I saw a show on CNN. It was called "The Last Heart Attack." It was the first inkling I had that I really needed to drastically change how I lived my life--more than just watching my salt and fat intake. It was really the first tangible information I had on how to prevent another heart attack.
I never, ever would have taken the time to watch this if I had not just had a heart attack. What I learned shocked me. Now, I have to tell you that it did not come as a shock to learn that nacho cheese as its own food group wasn't healthy for you. I just did not think that my diet as a whole was any worse than most. Boy, was I ever wrong. I'm not saying I would have changed my diet had I really known prior to my heart attack. You see, I was like many of you who will read this and think it will never happen to me. It did happen to me and I hope by the information that I am able to share that it will not happen to you.
I had never been able to find a link to the show until I was searching again today to send it to my friend.
In my opinion, it is a very valuable 39 minutes and 48 seconds. Although I know a lot of people turn their nose up at the thought of a plant based diet, trust me when I tell you laying in the ICU post massive heart attack can change your views on a lot of things. I will give you that it is not an easy way to eat in our culture of fast food and barbecues. At least for me, it takes a lot of planning. I still recommend watching this video so you can see if it makes sense to you.
I have mentioned here before and told her today that the very first hint I had that I needed to go plant based was about four weeks after my heart attack when I saw a show on CNN. It was called "The Last Heart Attack." It was the first inkling I had that I really needed to drastically change how I lived my life--more than just watching my salt and fat intake. It was really the first tangible information I had on how to prevent another heart attack.
I never, ever would have taken the time to watch this if I had not just had a heart attack. What I learned shocked me. Now, I have to tell you that it did not come as a shock to learn that nacho cheese as its own food group wasn't healthy for you. I just did not think that my diet as a whole was any worse than most. Boy, was I ever wrong. I'm not saying I would have changed my diet had I really known prior to my heart attack. You see, I was like many of you who will read this and think it will never happen to me. It did happen to me and I hope by the information that I am able to share that it will not happen to you.
I had never been able to find a link to the show until I was searching again today to send it to my friend.
In my opinion, it is a very valuable 39 minutes and 48 seconds. Although I know a lot of people turn their nose up at the thought of a plant based diet, trust me when I tell you laying in the ICU post massive heart attack can change your views on a lot of things. I will give you that it is not an easy way to eat in our culture of fast food and barbecues. At least for me, it takes a lot of planning. I still recommend watching this video so you can see if it makes sense to you.
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