So, I have lost the 30 lbs but still have 23 more to lose to be in a healthy BMI range. As much as I would like to weigh what I did when I graduated high school, realistically after kids, my body is just not THAT skinny anymore. ***Sigh***. I started at 203, weigh 173 and have a healthy BMI goal of 150.
My body started changing shape when I gained 90 lbs with my first pregnancy. I started at 140 and ended at 230 on my 5'6" frame. This was really the start of total out of control being fat for me. I was 29 when I got pregnant the first time--for those of you doing the math on me being a grandma, my older kids are by marriage;) I am 43 now so that is 14 years of weight struggles. I am tired of struggling with weight. I am tired of the havoc it has wreaked on my health. Most of all and most shallowly I will openly admit that I really just want to look better. I don't like being fat, but it is so very hard to jump off the fat bandwagon. I am getting there. I'm glad I was able to jump off even if it took a 3 day post heart attack stay in the ICU to get me there. I know me better than anyone else and I can tell you that I don't always like what I know about me. I know that if I had not had the heart attack, I'd still be on the fat bandwagon. Blessings come in odd packages sometimes!!
Right now, I am stalled. I have lost the 30 lbs but have not lost anymore. On the flip side, my body is changing shape from all of the walking. I still loathe it, the exercise. Perhaps this is why I didn't stay skinny bitch after high school--and I was a skinny little thing! I just really, really loathe exercising. Once I am doing it, it feels good and I feel great after. It is the actually getting started. I have been walking 3 miles 4-5 times a week for some time now. I will get there, it is just so frustratingly slow!
If you follow my blog, you know several things about me including the fact that I am now vegan and the fact that I struggle with my last vice which is caffeine (coffee and soda). I have been feeling stuck and found this the other day: Stuck In A Rut. I read it and it was like hitting me over the head with a hammer. Just because you are vegan does not automatically make your diet healthy. I have let oil seep back into my diet and have been eating more crackers and bread than I should. It is time to re-focus and put the overwhelming amount of veggies back into my diet. I started doing that on Monday. Now, to just give up the soda:).
We are at a 10 week countdown to my high school reunion which of course is my main motivator currently. I am so excited to see everyone and excited not to be fat and sick when I go! Mostly, glad that I am not a person that people will pity because "she is so young to have all those health problems."
I had all of my tests yesterday and don't think I am actually glowing from the radioactive dye that they injected me with! They went very well. I have had so much anxiety over these tests and over the lack of knowing where my heart health stands that I haven't been able to sleep. I am so excited that they did not cart me off to the OR and crack my chest open yesterday after the treadmill portion of the testing. This was my large fear as I got to the hospital yesterday. I slept so soundly last night even though I don't have the actual results back. I just needed some reassurance that I am not going to keel of another heart attack right now and not going to the OR helped:)
Here's to getting out of the rut this week, the renewed energy it brings and not keeling of another heart attack!!!